Lately, I've felt so inauthentic about everything & as time went by it had only gotten worse.
What I mean is, whether music, books, fashion, movies or television, there was this underlying motive for why I watched/read/listened to something: to impress anyone out there who was interested in these same things due to its degree of popularity and intellect people, or people I associate myself with, assign it. All the choices I made were solely dependent on what other people thought about it.
For the most part, I was afraid of rejection. I had surrounded myself with people who had strong opinions about everything, and I admired people and their opinions. (It can all be explained in this danisnotonfire video.) But I let these opinions intimidate me to the point where my brain would criticize me on every little thing I’ve read, what songs I’d put on my playlist, what shows I liked and what clothes I wore. I even congratulated myself over being interested in the things my friends loved and praised so much. IT DROVE ME MENTALKLFDJAJFOTJKL;FJKAS.
Although it is something I have to get over myself, there had been some serious repercussions. When I did do something I genuinely wanted to do, my brain would always creep up again with questions like, “Are you really smart enough for this? Do you understand what’s going on? What if your friends want to discuss this & you’re not smart enough for them? Are you prepared for the awkward conversations and shame you’re going to experience once this all boils down to the fact that I am right?" *evil laughs whilst I cry in shame*
(I’ve had many awkward encounters like this actually.)
So my advice to you, is if you genuinely love something, no matter how lame it may be to you, embrace it! Go listen to that 1D soundtrack, because I may be secretly listening to it too on Spotify private session! ……….. But in all seriousness, once you accept the facts you will find you’re not alone in your interests, which brings me to my next point:
Surround yourself with people who are open to your thoughts and opinions about anything. This does not mean seek revenge on those who don’t agree with you or have slightly differing opinions. It means not putting up with those people who are so close-minded that even a simple conversation about a topic requires so much energy only to be where you were at from the start. At the very least, it would only hurt you.
And if you really don’t like something, no matter how hard you try, you are never going to get into it. That is to say, if you are trying for the wrong reasons. I understand people change and interests change, but they will change on their own and not because the next person you fancy dedicates 3/4 of his or her heart to it and not to you.
Fortunately, there is a word for this:
Because in reality, no one has time for people who don't know what they are talking about! And if you do then, my life is a lie.
